I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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