She's JV to your varsity
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Randomize
