Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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