the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Randomize
