My room smells like vodka and shame
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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