Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
