She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize