The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
