do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
