My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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