Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
