dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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