So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
