Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
