FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
You ruined the universe
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
