you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
it's like heaven, but drunker
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got carded by a ten year old.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
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