My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
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