do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Randomize
