My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
