Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
