Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
