I CAN MOONWALK!
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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