i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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