the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
