you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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