I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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