just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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