I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
