Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
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