Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
