The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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