you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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