i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
