trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
