YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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