I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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