Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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