When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize