My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
