Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
