let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
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