P.S. I can't hear my feet
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
and you fell through a lawn chair
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
