One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize