he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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