um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize