pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
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