I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Panties = found
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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