We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
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