He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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