its not stalking. its research.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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