And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
