I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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