Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
