I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
