i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
