he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
