I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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