I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
