wrigley field is MILF paradise
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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