he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Randomize
