the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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