Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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