and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
