They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
The beers last night were like the tears from god
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize
