who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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