you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
