He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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